durincest | (no subject)

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[Traveling alone was much harder than Kili had anticipated.

He'd packed everything he'd needed in the dead of night, so perhaps a lot of the trouble was there. Things with Fili weren't...going well, and he just needed to go. Maybe some time apart would help, and Kili was anxious to prove himself anyway.

It takes longer than he'd expected to find Thorin. He'd known at least where his uncle was headed, having maybe listened in on a conversation Thorin had with Dis. But the first village he found was devoid of any familiar dwarves, though he did find someone who pointed him in the right direction.

By the time he staggers into the right town, he's tired and hungry and footsore. Men make him nervous, and he eyes them uneasily, one hand tight around his sword hilt as he wandered through the village.

It's luck that takes him past the forge, and his eyes seek out a familiar face, searching, until finally he catches sight of Thorin, beating hot metal into place.]

Thorin! [Heedless now of his blistered feet and exhaustion, a smile splits the young dwarf's face and he dashes to greet him.]

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Of that I will not disagree.

[Still, Thorin had gotten some work in before the shoe had dropped. The humans had paid him for it as well, for they quite liked the dwarf and his work and felt poorly for having to turn him away this time.

Thorin will rest his chin atop Kili's head, sighing, arms lightly hugging the younger dwarf.]

Sometimes, but not always. Living as we do in the mountains we cannot afford to not make coin for things we need. [Most of their agriculture was traded from the outside, from human villages, much like in the time of Erebor and Dale. Hard to grow a lot of things inside a mountain after all. Of course there were other things, but coin and trade was a necessary evil, and good as well, for them.]

... let me get cleaned up, then we can have our midday meal.

[Thorin murmurs into Kili's hair, but he won't pull away until Kili is ready to relinquish his uncle. Honestly he's just tired of so many years of this and he's never really let his nephews see it if he could, but having Kili here right now is the best thing that could happen. He'd not realized just how much it helped to have someone else around when things got rough. At least it had been a long time since he'd allowed it.]

It doesn't seem to matter so much at home. [Kili sighs into Thorin's chest. Life in the mountains was not easy, but they had always managed to get by. There's many a time that Kili can remember some poor starving dwarf asking Dis if she had anything to spare, and his mother would always, always, oblige. It was just the right thing to do. Why didn't the real world work that way too?

Kili nods after a moment and pulls back, letting Thorin go wash up and returning to his letter. He frowns, staring at his messy runes. He's not nearly as good at his penmanship as Fili, but at least his brother has always been able to read his chickenscratch.

He crosses out an "I miss you" as that sentiment seems to be expressed several times in the letter and sighs.]

[Oh, Kili, you sweet summer child. Thorin will just pat Kili's shoulder, not sure what to tell him. Perhaps in their want to protect Kili and Fili they'd sheltered them too much. The real world worked in many ways, young dwarves only saw part of it.

Going to wash up, Thorin works all the grime of the forge from his skin and hair as he won't be seeing it for a bit, may as well be sure he's rid of it then. Coming back with damp mused hair and in only his pants, he'll take a seat at the edge of the bed, glancing over at what Kili is writing.]

I sent that letter to you brother and mother before work today. They should get it within the week, hopefully.

[Kili hasn't gotten much done since Thorin left to wash up. The words on the page seem lifeless and faked. Fili won't buy any of it and he sighs.

He looks up at Thorin, scrubbing a hand over his face.]

...Yeah. Good.

Speak, Kili. What is on your mind?

[He's still troubled. Things with Fili no doubt, now this nonsense with the humans probably didn't help at all.]

[Kili sighs and crumples up the letter, tossing it across the room. His messy handwriting along with the empty words don't make him feel any better.]

...It doesn't matter. He wouldn't be able to read my handwriting anyway.

[Thorin frowns, watching the bit of crumpled paper as it's tossed into a corner of the room.]

Penmanship aside, what did you wish to tell your brother?

...That's part of the problem. I don't know what to say. [Kili scrubs at his face.] I just miss him, Thorin. And I want things to go back the way they were before I knew he didn't want me.

From what you told me it does not seem as if he does not care for you, Kili. [Calling what Kili asked for unnatural was not saying he didn't want his brother, in any way shape or form. In the eyes of most it was unnatural, Thorin himself wasn't sure what to think honestly, but he doubted Fili would just push his brother away because of it.

They were close the both of them, always had been. They could get through anything. That much Thorin was sure of.]

So if he were here, this very moment, you would not know what to say. What if I were Fili?

[Kili just stares at his uncle blankly for a few moments.]

If you were...Fili? What would I say, you mean?

[Thorin has he not made it clear he has no idea what he would say?]

[He'll nod. Okay yes, he should have clarified that a bit better.]

Mm, what would you say?

Um...

[He looks down, twisting his hands in his lap.]

I'm sorry.

Kili, look at me. Do not be ashamed, speak to me.

[He's no Fili, but he wants Kili to understand that he shouldn't be afraid of talking to his brother. That will only make things worse. Thorin brings a hand up, resting it on the side of Kili's neck, moving around to carefully grasp the back of it. It's meant to be a connection between them, to be reassuring.]

It's fine to be sorry, but you must be sorry and work forward from that. Do not linger too much or nothing will be solved.

[Kili reluctantly looks up, trying not to meet Thorin's eyes. Pretending he's Fili doesn't make it any better.]

I don't know how to change how I feel. I don't know if I want to.

I did not say to change anything, only to do more than apologizing and doing nothing else.

[Thorin's not entirely encouraging Kili's feelings for his brother, but he's not telling him it's wrong either. He's not sure that's his place to do so. Really in the long run it made sense that Kili would feel so strongly for Fili, still it was hard to swallow regardless.]

Then tell me what to do...I don't know what to do!

[Kili hunches over, tugging at his hair.] I just want us to be happy, I want everyone to be happy but I don't know how to do that.

Kili I cannot tell you how to fix this, you must talk with your brother about this.

[He doesn't know what to tell him in all honesty.]

[Kili sighs, nodding slowly.]

...I want to stay with you. Another village. Not home, please. Not yet.

I will allow it, but know it shall only make things worse in the long run.

[The longer he avoided Fili, no doubt the worse it would be when they finally did see each other again.]

[Kili shakes his head. Thorin might be right, but...he won't let himself believe it right now.]

So...what now? Is there even any point in staying a few more days? We should just leave now.

[Don't you get pushy with him mister. Thorin will stand from the bed and head to the door.]

We will leave tomorrow. I already told you, you are resting today. Bloody and blistered feet are no good for travel. [Even though he does have a pony and they could share it, still. He's going to be stubborn about this.]

I will bring lunch, you will stay in bed.

[Thorin will say firmly, no arguing, young man!]

[Kili wants to argue, but Thorin's voice is firm, and he knows he won't get anywhere if he tries.]

...If you insist.

[He kicks off the sheets, poking at his feet and scowling at them.]

[Thorin isn't gone long, coming up with a tray of food for them to share. He's also borrowed some bandages, they'll have to clean Kili's feet again and wrap them.]

Don't pick your blisters.

[He'll swat gingerly at one of Kili's hands, sounding more like his sister Dis than he probably wanted to. Sometimes he could be such a nagging parent.]

I'm not picking them. [Kili pouts a little. He's not sure what he expected; Thorin's more of a father to him than an uncle, after all. It isn't like some fun day trip.]

...Do they pity us, Uncle?

[And Kili more a son than a nephew to Thorin, as was Fili, but no. There was not supposed to be fun in this. This was work, this was living and earning keep to help what he had of a family.

Thorin will pick at his food, chewing thoughtfully.]

... some may, but most here have respect for me.

[For him. They did not know you Kili. Thorin has worked hard here many a time over the years and done well for himself and the city, but he would not be naive to think they did not pity a dwarf who had to travel across the lands to earn coin for his people.]

Why do you ask?