durincest | (no subject)

(no subject)

[Traveling alone was much harder than Kili had anticipated.

He'd packed everything he'd needed in the dead of night, so perhaps a lot of the trouble was there. Things with Fili weren't...going well, and he just needed to go. Maybe some time apart would help, and Kili was anxious to prove himself anyway.

It takes longer than he'd expected to find Thorin. He'd known at least where his uncle was headed, having maybe listened in on a conversation Thorin had with Dis. But the first village he found was devoid of any familiar dwarves, though he did find someone who pointed him in the right direction.

By the time he staggers into the right town, he's tired and hungry and footsore. Men make him nervous, and he eyes them uneasily, one hand tight around his sword hilt as he wandered through the village.

It's luck that takes him past the forge, and his eyes seek out a familiar face, searching, until finally he catches sight of Thorin, beating hot metal into place.]

Thorin! [Heedless now of his blistered feet and exhaustion, a smile splits the young dwarf's face and he dashes to greet him.]

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...That's part of the problem. I don't know what to say. [Kili scrubs at his face.] I just miss him, Thorin. And I want things to go back the way they were before I knew he didn't want me.

From what you told me it does not seem as if he does not care for you, Kili. [Calling what Kili asked for unnatural was not saying he didn't want his brother, in any way shape or form. In the eyes of most it was unnatural, Thorin himself wasn't sure what to think honestly, but he doubted Fili would just push his brother away because of it.

They were close the both of them, always had been. They could get through anything. That much Thorin was sure of.]

So if he were here, this very moment, you would not know what to say. What if I were Fili?

[Kili just stares at his uncle blankly for a few moments.]

If you were...Fili? What would I say, you mean?

[Thorin has he not made it clear he has no idea what he would say?]

[He'll nod. Okay yes, he should have clarified that a bit better.]

Mm, what would you say?

Um...

[He looks down, twisting his hands in his lap.]

I'm sorry.

Kili, look at me. Do not be ashamed, speak to me.

[He's no Fili, but he wants Kili to understand that he shouldn't be afraid of talking to his brother. That will only make things worse. Thorin brings a hand up, resting it on the side of Kili's neck, moving around to carefully grasp the back of it. It's meant to be a connection between them, to be reassuring.]

It's fine to be sorry, but you must be sorry and work forward from that. Do not linger too much or nothing will be solved.

[Kili reluctantly looks up, trying not to meet Thorin's eyes. Pretending he's Fili doesn't make it any better.]

I don't know how to change how I feel. I don't know if I want to.

I did not say to change anything, only to do more than apologizing and doing nothing else.

[Thorin's not entirely encouraging Kili's feelings for his brother, but he's not telling him it's wrong either. He's not sure that's his place to do so. Really in the long run it made sense that Kili would feel so strongly for Fili, still it was hard to swallow regardless.]

Then tell me what to do...I don't know what to do!

[Kili hunches over, tugging at his hair.] I just want us to be happy, I want everyone to be happy but I don't know how to do that.

Kili I cannot tell you how to fix this, you must talk with your brother about this.

[He doesn't know what to tell him in all honesty.]

[Kili sighs, nodding slowly.]

...I want to stay with you. Another village. Not home, please. Not yet.

I will allow it, but know it shall only make things worse in the long run.

[The longer he avoided Fili, no doubt the worse it would be when they finally did see each other again.]

[Kili shakes his head. Thorin might be right, but...he won't let himself believe it right now.]

So...what now? Is there even any point in staying a few more days? We should just leave now.

[Don't you get pushy with him mister. Thorin will stand from the bed and head to the door.]

We will leave tomorrow. I already told you, you are resting today. Bloody and blistered feet are no good for travel. [Even though he does have a pony and they could share it, still. He's going to be stubborn about this.]

I will bring lunch, you will stay in bed.

[Thorin will say firmly, no arguing, young man!]

[Kili wants to argue, but Thorin's voice is firm, and he knows he won't get anywhere if he tries.]

...If you insist.

[He kicks off the sheets, poking at his feet and scowling at them.]

[Thorin isn't gone long, coming up with a tray of food for them to share. He's also borrowed some bandages, they'll have to clean Kili's feet again and wrap them.]

Don't pick your blisters.

[He'll swat gingerly at one of Kili's hands, sounding more like his sister Dis than he probably wanted to. Sometimes he could be such a nagging parent.]

I'm not picking them. [Kili pouts a little. He's not sure what he expected; Thorin's more of a father to him than an uncle, after all. It isn't like some fun day trip.]

...Do they pity us, Uncle?

[And Kili more a son than a nephew to Thorin, as was Fili, but no. There was not supposed to be fun in this. This was work, this was living and earning keep to help what he had of a family.

Thorin will pick at his food, chewing thoughtfully.]

... some may, but most here have respect for me.

[For him. They did not know you Kili. Thorin has worked hard here many a time over the years and done well for himself and the city, but he would not be naive to think they did not pity a dwarf who had to travel across the lands to earn coin for his people.]

Why do you ask?

[Kili watches Thorin quietly, picking at his own food slowly. His shoulders lift in a little shrug.]

I don't know. It's just...some of them looked at me strange when we were having supper last night.

Strange?

[A brow raises and he's not sure what Kili means.]

How so?

[Kili shrugs again, eating more.] I don't know. There was one, he looked at me like...

[He trails off. He hadn't liked that man one bit.] Well. I was glad I was with you. But then some of the others... [Kili shakes his head.] I felt like they pitied me. But I don't know, maybe they just haven't seen a dwarf my age before.

[You can't just bring up things and then try to sweep it under the carpet, Kili. Thorin pauses in eating and looks quite serious.]

What about this one man? Do not mind the others, you have been in some obvious discomfort, they most likely pitied your suffering. [What with those blistered feet mister.]

[Kili looks down at his large feet and wiggles his toes, sighing. He must have looked a sorry state last night, dressed in his uncle's too-large clothes, limping, eating like he's been starving and then being so exhausted he'd fallen asleep on Thorin's shoulder. He's probably right.]

I don't know how to describe it. I just know it...wasn't good. He wouldn't stop staring. [And finally Kili has a way to put it.] Like...like a wolf stalking its prey, or something.

[Thorin doesn't like the sound of that one bit. He'll frown sharply, but chew a bit more on their lunch. So then, a human was admiring his nephew was he? Better they were leaving tomorrow then, he didn't need any human trying to get friendly with Kili. And not in the way he'd rather the humans were friendly with them.]

Do not fret over it. We shall be gone by the morrow.

[Besides, Kili, you're staying in bed, the human won't touch you.]

[The expression on Thorin's face is confirmation of what Kili was wondering. He's just glad that his uncle is here to keep an eye on him. Kili tends to go through phases of wanting to be an adult and then being perfectly content to still be a child. Right now, he's pleased he can still hide behind Thorin for protection.]

On to the next town? [He's eager to get to work, to have something to distract him from the gnawing loss of Fili in his heart.]